Escaping the Boogeyman: How Fear-Based Control Keeps You Trapped (and How to Break Free)
The Boogeyman Is Real — Just Not in the Way You Think
Most of us grew up with some version of the Boogeyman. Maybe he wore a mask and carried a knife, like Michael Myers. Maybe he took the shape of eternal fire and punishment. Maybe he lived in the whispers that told you what would happen if you ever dared to question, to leave, or to think for yourself.
Fear was the point.
In Halloween, Michael Myers doesn’t have to run to catch his victims. He just appears. His presence alone freezes people in place. That’s the power of conditioning. Once fear lives inside you, it doesn’t need bars to keep you trapped.
Many people who grew up in high-control religions or authoritarian families know this feeling all too well. The rules may no longer apply, the people who enforced them might be gone, but the fear still lingers. It becomes internalized, an invisible leash that jerks you back every time you start to take a step toward freedom.
This post is about that Boogeyman — the one that lives inside — and how to finally stop running from it with compassion instead of shame.
Fear as a Control Mechanism
Fear is one of the oldest and most effective forms of control. It bypasses logic and speaks directly to the nervous system. It tells you, “Obey, or else.”
In high-control environments, fear is often disguised as love or protection. You are told that rules exist to keep you safe, that questioning is dangerous, that obedience is love. So you learn to self-police, to stay small in order to stay safe.
Just like in a horror movie, fear makes you hypervigilant. You scan for threats, try to predict danger, and isolate yourself. Over time, you lose track of what’s real danger and what’s conditioning.
Think about Halloween again. The audience is trained to fear every dark corner. Michael Myers doesn’t even need to appear for the tension to build. The score alone makes your heart race. In the same way, fear-based systems train your body to react to certain cues — a phrase, a tone, a verse — long after the real threat is gone.
That’s how fear keeps you in control, even when you’ve already left the system.
Fear Conditioning and Trauma Responses
When your brain learns that safety depends on compliance, fear becomes automatic. This is trauma conditioning. The body steps in to protect you when it senses danger, even if the danger is no longer real.
You may see yourself in one of these common trauma responses:
Fight
A part of you feels angry — at the people who controlled you, at the lies you were told, maybe even at yourself for believing them. This part wants to protect you by fighting back. Sometimes that fire can be empowering, but it can also burn you out if it’s fueled by fear rather than freedom.
Flight
Another part may keep busy, always running from the discomfort. You read, research, distract yourself, anything to avoid the silence where fear might creep in. This part believes that if you can just keep moving, you’ll stay safe.
Freeze
Sometimes you feel stuck, unable to make decisions or trust yourself. You might question everything, afraid of getting it wrong. This part learned that stillness was the safest option when danger felt too close.
Fawn
Then there’s the part that tries to please, to keep everyone happy. You soften your words and downplay your needs so others won’t feel uncomfortable. This part learned that harmony equals safety, even if it means abandoning yourself.
None of these parts are broken. They are trying to protect you in the only ways they know how. When you can approach them with compassion instead of judgment, you begin to soften the fear that drives them.
Why the Fear Still Feels Real
Leaving a high-control environment does not instantly convince your body that you’re safe.
You may know in your mind that you are free, but your body still remembers what it felt like to be punished, shamed, or rejected. You may have been told that curiosity leads to danger, so your nervous system learned to associate exploration with risk.
This is why healing from fear-based control isn’t just about changing your beliefs. It’s about teaching your body and your inner parts that it’s safe to live differently now.
Fear conditioning happens through repetition: the same threats, the same warnings, the same consequences. Healing happens through repetition too, only this time through safety, gentleness, and self-trust. Every time you pause, breathe, and choose curiosity instead of compliance, you rewrite a little bit of your internal story.
Reclaiming Your Power With Compassion
If fear once protected you, it’s okay to thank it for doing its job. But it doesn’t need to be your guide anymore. Reclaiming your power means learning to listen to your parts with compassion while helping them trust that you are capable of keeping everyone safe now.
Here are some gentle ways to start:
1. Name the Boogeyman
Fear grows in the dark. Write down what triggers your anxiety or guilt — not just the big ideas like “hell” or “sin,” but also the small moments that make your body tense up. Once you name them, you can begin to see them for what they are: memories, not prophecies.
2. Ground in the Present
When fear rises, pause and orient yourself. Notice the colors in the room, the feeling of your feet on the floor, the sound of your breath. Ask yourself, “Is there an actual danger right now, or is my body remembering an old one?” Grounding tells your nervous system that you’re safe in this moment.
3. Reclaim Curiosity
Curiosity is the opposite of control. It allows you to explore without fear of punishment. Try asking gentle questions of yourself: “What if I didn’t have to be afraid?” “What might freedom look like?” Curiosity builds trust between you and the parts that were once silenced.
4. Challenge the Inner Enforcer
Most of us carry internalized voices of fear — the ones that say “you’re being rebellious,” “you’ll regret this,” or “good people don’t question.” When those voices appear, pause and ask, “Whose voice is this?” You can thank that part for trying to keep you safe while reminding it that you’re in charge now.
5. Work With the Body
Fear doesn’t just live in thoughts. It lives in muscles, breath, posture, and tension. Approaches like Brainspotting and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help locate where those fears are held in the body and gently release them. Healing happens when your body starts to believe what your mind already knows: you are safe, loved, and free.
6. Choose Connection Over Correction
Fear-based systems often equate love with obedience. True healing happens in spaces where you can be fully yourself without being corrected. Seek relationships and communities where your story is met with compassion and curiosity rather than judgment.
Facing the Real Monsters
In horror movies, the monster is external — a killer, a curse, a force that must be defeated. But in healing, the “real monsters” are usually internalized fear, shame, and self-doubt. These aren’t villains to destroy. They are frightened parts of you that need to be understood and comforted.
Therapeutic intensives are one way to meet those parts with care. Instead of months of surface-level work, an intensive gives you time and space to go deep — to sit with the parts of you that still believe danger is around every corner. Using approaches like Brainspotting and IFS, we can find where those fears live in the body, meet them with compassion, and help them begin to trust your strength.
If you want to keep exploring how fear shows up in our culture and in our healing, check out my podcast Mind Over Murder on Spotify or at firestormcounseling.com/murder. Each episode dives into the psychology behind horror and the human stories of survival, identity, and freedom that mirror our own recovery journeys.
Healing isn’t about eliminating fear completely. It’s about helping your fearful parts understand that the threat is over. When you can hold their hand instead of running from them, you stop being haunted by your own history.
Because here’s the truth: the Boogeyman was never real. But the fear he created was. And when you meet that fear with gentleness, you become the one holding the light, leading your inner world safely out of the dark.
Now What?
If this post resonated with you, know that you don’t have to face those fears alone. At Firestorm Counseling, I specialize in helping people heal from religious trauma, spiritual abuse, and fear-based control.
My “Break the Pattern” Intensive is designed to help you meet the real monsters — the parts of you carrying fear, shame, and self-doubt — with compassion and courage. Using Brainspotting and Internal Family Systems, we’ll work together to release what no longer serves you and rebuild a sense of safety and self-trust from the inside out.
👉 Click [here] to learn more and book your intensive. You don’t have to keep running from your past. It’s time to meet your fear with kindness and step into the freedom you deserve.
Recommended Reading
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
When Religion Hurts You by Laura Anderson
Self-Therapy by Jay Earley
