Get Out of Their Mind: Reclaiming Identity After Psychological Control
“Sink into the floor.”
In Get Out, that command is what sends the main character, Chris, spiraling into what’s called the Sunken Place. It is a silent, suspended void where he can still see what’s happening, but can’t move, speak, or fight back. His body is present, but his agency has been stolen. He’s trapped in someone else’s control, someone else’s story.
For survivors of spiritual abuse and high-control systems, that scene hits hard. You don’t have to be hypnotized to know what it feels like to lose access to yourself, to watch your own life play out while some external force dictates your thoughts, emotions, or behaviors. Maybe that force was a religious leader, a parent, or a whole community that taught you who you “should” be, what you “should” believe, and how you “should” feel.
And for years, you believed them.
Until one day you start to realize that the story you’ve been living doesn’t actually belong to you.
The Psychology of the “Sunken Place”
The Sunken Place isn’t just a horror concept; it’s a metaphor for dissociation.
When we’re trapped in psychological control, our nervous system learns that it’s not safe to be fully present. Speaking up could mean punishment. Feeling angry could mean being labeled “rebellious.” Expressing grief could mean you’re “losing your faith.” So your mind adapts. It disconnects.
Dissociation isn’t weakness. It’s a survival skill. It’s the mind’s way of saying, If I can’t get out, I’ll go numb until it’s safe.
That numbness can take different forms:
You second-guess every decision, waiting for someone else to tell you what’s right.
You feel detached from your emotions, as if your body isn’t really yours.
You hear an internal critic that sounds suspiciously like your pastor, parent, or ex.
You apologize for things that aren’t your fault because you’ve been conditioned to feel “too much” or “too wrong.”
It’s the Sunken Place in real life, awareness without control.
And for survivors of spiritual abuse, it’s especially disorienting. Faith was supposed to be freeing. Love was supposed to be unconditional. Yet somehow, you ended up imprisoned in the name of holiness.
Hijacked Narratives: When Faith Becomes a Cage
Religious trauma often begins with language. Words that once held beauty like obedience, surrender, purity, and humility become weapons when used to suppress individuality.
It’s not just about doctrine; it’s about domination. Spiritual gaslighting convinces you that any discomfort or doubt is proof of your own brokenness. You’re told that if you question authority, you’re “rebelling against God.” If you set boundaries, you’re “selfish.” If you speak truthfully about harm, you’re “bitter.”
Over time, you internalize those messages until they become your inner monologue. You learn to silence yourself before anyone else has to. You monitor your tone, your emotions, your facial expressions, all to maintain belonging in a system that requires your obedience to exist.
This is how psychological control works.
It doesn’t just restrain your behavior; it rewrites your identity.
You start to forget who you were before their voice became louder than your own. You might even feel guilty for wanting to rediscover that person. The control has been so total that freedom feels like sin.
The Cost of Self-Silencing
When you live in someone else’s narrative for long enough, your nervous system forgets how to trust your own signals.
You might notice:
Chronic fatigue or burnout that feels deeper than physical exhaustion.
Panic when you disagree with authority figures.
A constant fear of “messing up” or disappointing others.
Difficulty knowing what you want, or even what you like.
These are signs that your body has been trained to submit, not to feel.
It’s not just in your head; it’s stored in your body.
That’s why traditional talk therapy sometimes isn’t enough for survivors of religious trauma. You can logically know you’re safe now, but your nervous system is still braced for punishment. You can say you’re free, but your body still remembers the cost of defiance.
Reclaiming the Mind and Body
Healing from psychological control means reclaiming both your mind and your body.
When you’ve lived under manipulation or spiritual gaslighting, reclaiming your mind means daring to think your own thoughts, even when they scare you. It means letting yourself doubt, explore, question, and disagree. It means realizing that curiosity isn’t rebellion; it’s recovery.
But healing doesn’t stop with the mind. The body needs to be brought back online too.
Trauma isn’t stored as words. It’s stored as sensations, like the tightness in your chest when you speak up, or the pit in your stomach when someone says, “We’re just worried about your soul.”
That’s why modalities like Brainspotting and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can be powerful tools for reclaiming autonomy after control.
How Brainspotting Helps You “Get Out”
Brainspotting is a mind-body therapy that helps locate and release the emotional residue of trauma that talking alone can’t reach. It works by using your eye position to access parts of the brain where painful experiences are stored, the same parts that light up when you think about those moments of fear, control, or shame.
For survivors of spiritual abuse, Brainspotting can help you reconnect with the parts of yourself that were exiled in order to stay safe, like the part that still trembles when you set a boundary, or the part that shuts down when someone quotes scripture out of context.
Instead of trying to “fix” these reactions, Brainspotting invites you to witness them and let your body process what it never got to finish.
Over time, you start to notice shifts:
The flashbacks soften.
The guilt loses its grip.
You feel more connected to your intuition than to someone else’s expectations.
It’s like rising out of the Sunken Place, one breath, one heartbeat, one moment of self-trust at a time.
How IFS Helps You Reclaim Your Story
Internal Family Systems (IFS) complements this process by helping you meet the parts of your psyche that were silenced or shamed under psychological control.
IFS teaches that we all have “parts,” inner voices that carry memories, emotions, or protective roles. In high-control systems, many of these parts get forced into extreme jobs. A pleaser part may have learned that keeping everyone happy was the only way to survive. A critical part might echo the voice of a pastor or parent to keep you from stepping out of line. A numb part might keep you dissociated so you don’t have to feel the pain.
IFS helps you approach these parts not with judgment but with compassion.
You begin to see that none of them are bad, they’ve just been overworked and misunderstood.
Through this process, you reconnect with what IFS calls the Self, the core of who you are when you’re not being controlled or shamed. Self is calm, curious, and confident. Self is what was always there beneath the programming.
And when Self takes the lead, the old voices start to fade. You begin to trust your own inner compass again, to make decisions based on your values, your experiences, your truth.
The Fear of Freedom
It’s okay if reclaiming your identity feels terrifying.
After years of control, freedom can feel like chaos.
You might ask:
“What if I make the wrong choice?”
“What if I’m deceived?”
“What if they were right about me?”
These questions aren’t signs of failure. They’re signs that your nervous system is recalibrating after long-term captivity. It’s learning to walk again after being paralyzed by fear.
Recovery doesn’t mean pretending you were never hurt. It means reclaiming your right to interpret your own experiences. It means allowing the parts of you that went numb to finally come home.
From Their Story to Yours
The truth is, you were never meant to disappear into someone else’s belief system.
You were meant to belong, not to obey.
You were meant to explore, not to perform.
To think, not to be told what to think.
To love freely, not fearfully.
Reclaiming your story doesn’t mean erasing your past. It means integrating it, acknowledging the harm, honoring the parts of you that survived, and choosing a new direction for your life.
For many survivors, this journey begins in therapy, but it doesn’t end there. It continues every time you speak your truth, set a boundary, or say, “No, that’s not my belief.”
Every act of authenticity is a form of resistance.
Every moment of self-trust is a revolution.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
If you’ve ever felt like you’ve been living in someone else’s story, it’s time to reclaim your own.
At Firestorm Counseling, I work with survivors of religious trauma, spiritual abuse, and high-control environments who are ready to reconnect with their mind and body and rediscover who they are beyond fear and conditioning.
Through Brainspotting, IFS, and compassionate, trauma-informed support, you can begin to:
Feel safe in your own body again
Reconnect with your intuition and voice
Build a life rooted in freedom, not fear
You’ve spent enough time trapped in someone else’s narrative.
It’s time to write your own.
[Image Placeholder: A person standing before a mirror, reflection illuminated while the room behind them fades into shadow, symbolizing rediscovery and clarity.]
Recommended Reading
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
You Are Your Own by Jamie Lee Finch
Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell
No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté
Want to go deeper?
Check out my podcast Mind Over Murder on Spotify, where we explore the intersection of psychological horror and real-world healing after control.
